the play..

is this weekend.
i'm not sure i'm ready.
it's my last one.
my last legacy in the Calvary Chapel Drama Ministry.
i'm going to miss it.
A lot.
so what can i do but give it my best, my all?
that's what i will do.
be ready.
be waiting.
here i come to be....

TRANSFORMED.

JESSY. we're just going to pretend i posted this yesterday. :D

JESSY! happy birthday! i love you so much!

i couldn't live without you.

Top ten reasons why i can't live without you:

1. sometimes, i think we are the same person.
2. you are the only person who doesn't think i'm a freak for buying a punching bag with my birthday money.
3. you're buying me a demon for my birthday
4. you're always there for me.
5. you're pretty much amazing. period.
6. you can spin out your car... and you're taking me with you next time
7. you are completely honest. all the time.
8. because you are the bubble wrap popping queen.
9. i can trust you
10. I LOVE YOU!
    

the big drop

there is something seriously wrong with me. i'm out of sorts.

things have gone over my head, have knocked me off my feet, have thrown me for a loop: i feel like my life is one big roller coaster of death. you can't see what's up ahead, so you can't prepare for that next curve. you know you're buckled in safe, but yet you feel like you're still going to fall. you hate, hate, hate the feeling, feel like you're going to puke, wish you hadn't ridden it in the first place, and yet here you are. as you are climbing this cliff of the unknown you clench your teeth and beg forgiveness for all the things you've done wrong in the last week. and so what's next? the drop. fast. hard. intense. it steals your breath away, and for a second you think you are not going to survive the next dangerously steep plunge. it keeps going and going and going until suddenly,

IT STOPS.

you're free. the seatbelt is unlatched, you let go of the ridiculous hold you have on the stranger sitting next to you, and prepare yourself for the next ride. you check to make sure all limbs are in place and smile to blend into the people who actually enjoyed the mess.

so my question is, why do we force ourselves onto this ride? persuasive words may find a clear facade, but down below you know all it will do is hurt.

i say, i'm done. no more rides for me. i will no longer subject myself to hurt which i need not bear.

you cannot, will not and never will force me on that again. ever.

pick up lines...

if you were the new burger at mcDonalds you would be the... mcGorgeous.

if looks could kill.. you would be a weapon of mass destruction

are you a magnet? cuz i'm attracted to you

if this is a meat market, you're the prime rib

do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart

life without you would be like a broken pencil... pointless.

was that an earthquake, or did you just rock my world?

i'm not drunk, i'm just intoxicated by you.

Coldplay.

"fix you"
-coldplay.


When you try your best, but you don't succeedWhen you get what you want, but not what you needWhen you feel so tired, but you can't sleepStuck in reverseAnd the tears come streaming down your faceWhen you lose something you can't replaceWhen you love someone, but it goes to wasteCould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youAnd high up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youTears stream down your faceWhen you lose something you cannot replaceTears stream down your faceAnd I...Tears stream down on your faceI promise you I will learn from my mistakesTears stream down your faceAnd I...Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix you

evidently i need to stop being vague..

dear jessy..
this is what is happening in my life.
love dorri.

is that what my blogs should look like? haha

anyways...
well today might have been the worst day ever. what is really funny is that it is all stuff which seems like it really doesn't matter..but it does. i screwed up in ways that really wouldn't be possible for the average calvary chapel student... only possible for me since i am the ASB freaking president. unfortunately due to my misfortunate lack of ability in remembering things and communicating with my ASB Advisor.. she got sent down and got yelled at by Jay 3 times because of me.. IN ONE DAY. which is ridiculous.

i think it all just bugged me because i felt like such a failure. and then on top of that the devil was totally being a conniving brat. because i was walking up the ramp talking to one of my friends, and then my other friend who was totally joking, just said "well, at least you're not a failure, like dorri" [good one satan, i needed that sock in the stomach]

ridiculous. but it will get better. soon i will sleep and it will be tomorrow and my mistakes will be behind me.

Good thing my daddy is the God of the universe huh.

i'll be there

Things like this hurt me so much. i want to help the person who wrote this. the person whose pain is unending, and who has no one to turn to. no person should be alone in this world.

i will be your friend.
reach out and i will take your hand.