the big drop

there is something seriously wrong with me. i'm out of sorts.

things have gone over my head, have knocked me off my feet, have thrown me for a loop: i feel like my life is one big roller coaster of death. you can't see what's up ahead, so you can't prepare for that next curve. you know you're buckled in safe, but yet you feel like you're still going to fall. you hate, hate, hate the feeling, feel like you're going to puke, wish you hadn't ridden it in the first place, and yet here you are. as you are climbing this cliff of the unknown you clench your teeth and beg forgiveness for all the things you've done wrong in the last week. and so what's next? the drop. fast. hard. intense. it steals your breath away, and for a second you think you are not going to survive the next dangerously steep plunge. it keeps going and going and going until suddenly,

IT STOPS.

you're free. the seatbelt is unlatched, you let go of the ridiculous hold you have on the stranger sitting next to you, and prepare yourself for the next ride. you check to make sure all limbs are in place and smile to blend into the people who actually enjoyed the mess.

so my question is, why do we force ourselves onto this ride? persuasive words may find a clear facade, but down below you know all it will do is hurt.

i say, i'm done. no more rides for me. i will no longer subject myself to hurt which i need not bear.

you cannot, will not and never will force me on that again. ever.