Saturday, January 31, 2009


$1,000 in less than 24 hours. my human nature stresses...stresses...stresses.

i was unfaithful in sending out my support letters on time, and now its nipping me in the bud.

God says.. "pray, and i will give you peace...peace...peace."

it will be a miracle if the money shows up.

God, i'm so sorry... sorry...sorry.

and so there is nothing left for me to do but to say "God, it is all Yours. to You be the glory."

i am trusting...trusting...trusting.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Bachelor

Let's just talk for a little bit about how happy i am that shannon, megan, Nikki and Lauren all got taken off the show this week. it made me want to jump up and do a dance. and let's also just take a moment to consider the perfection which would be the relationship of Jason and JILLIAN!
anywho, another thought to add onto that, if it was simply a publicity stunt to have DeAnna coming back, that is ridiculous. and it would also be ridiculous if she came back on one of the final episodes. ok, enough of the chat about the beautiful bachelor and his potential wives...
just don't be surprised when you hear "i told you so" slipping casually out of my mouth when they get married.

First Kiss...on your wedding day?

wouldn't that be a bit of sensory overload?
think about it.

just a random thought.
and your engagement pictures? probably not as cool as they potentially could be.

yes, i have been thinking about the dreaded but anticipated moment when comes the first boy who wants to stick his tongue down your throat... and for some odd reason, you think it's a good idea too. and i've come to the conclusion, that won't your first kiss be awkward and messy?
won't that kinda mess with you on your big day?
aren't you scared that you'll kiss him for the first time and it'll feel like you're kissing your brother..and then you'll be stuck with that your entire life?
i don't know.. just a thought.

this really isn't directed at anyone in particular i promise...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Today I Must...

clean my room.
i truly believe there is something psychological about living in a cluttered room and feeling stressed. overwhelming piles everywhere.. of everything from dirty laundry to school books to gilmore girls seasons and spray paint.

It kinda reminds me of my life... a pile of ASB over here, a pile of friends over there, some NHS and some senior camp... it all needs to be organized, and yet honestly, it's not.

Yesterday I Realized...

my night was like a seinfield episode.. with ironic things happening every other second.

i'm a very thrifty person.. saving little bits of money every where i go..
[always order 'to go', there's less tax]

unstress, stress, unstress, stress.... like iambic pentameter, my life is an episode of ups and downs.

i can give up control.
it's not my problem anymore.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

you said it...

so i recently had a comment that my blog posts were "confusing" and full of "weird stuff". and to that i say, "what, you don't think i myself am confusing and full of weird stuff?" shouldn't you expect that out of me? and fine, if you prefer, i will write about more applicable, or say, interesting things in life.
so i am going to write a top ten list of things that happened or that are applicable to my life as of today, january 21st, 2009.

10. Never be a TA for french. this morning i began prepping paper for 782 die cut circles [blegh]

9. Tulips don't need dirt to grow. [Kelly Loock has a classroom plant now, and i am it's keeper]

8. Cherish the minutes you spend in fire drills at school, you will forever remember the classtime you got to miss because of them.

7. To do a one legged squat, not only do you need balance, but also ample leg strength [which i lack]

6. Don't wear all pink and carry around a pink cupcake. You either feel like a malibu barbie, or like legally blonde.

5. Don't trust your brother to order something he thinks you will like from a fast food restaurant [you don't even want to know what i ate for dinner tonight]

4. Let your true friends waste your phone minutes, not your potential friends.

3. IHOP never ending pancakes are better at 3 am than at 6:45 am.

2. Living in a messy room makes me stressed out.

1. Always have friends who will criticize your blog. [Jessy Nelson]

Sunday, January 18, 2009

deeper than it seems

bright blue eyes and blond hair. +dark nail polish and big rings.
an unexpectedly beautiful combination.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Simple Phone Call Would Suffice

today i have come to the conclusion, that no matter how good friends you are with both of the people in the couple or how much they want to include you, you will always be a third wheel. For example, for some reason, i have become very popular in the "we need a relationship therapist" department for some absurd reason recently, and so i was lucky enough to be present when one of my friends asked the other to be his girlfriend [aww, how sweet, etc, etc, etc.] However, as much as i covered it up, i simply did not enjoy myself. for some reason my joy for them finally putting a name to their relationship could not last me the several hours i was at their house. Will it last? i don't know. Do i want to be there for all the other significant parts of the relationship? no thank you, a simple phone call will suffice.

Friday, January 16, 2009

my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

it all started when i forgot my squeegie when going to wash windows....

do i even know where to begin?
-disappointing myself [self-explanatory]
-running out of minutes... and not having any money to put minutes back on my phone
-forced into once more living life as an assistant director
-losing my voice the day before auditions
-told that i look like crap by someone who i absolutely adore in front of 30 other people i know
-have a waiter make fun of the fact i'm wearing cut off jeans with cowboy boots
-have a waiter ask me if i got dared to walk out of the house like this
-end up last to get my food, and then not liking it anyways...
-get yelled at by a random man to "Get out of my way!"
-not have a seat except for the very front row at a movie theater so i get a headache
-grabbing my purse at the end of the movie to find out its been sitting in something that smells like barf.

all today.
for real?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"Go on... Take it."

I've always been a girl of initiative. A challenge, duel or competition has always been my sort of deal. My friends i strive to make closer, and i attempt to juggle way more things than seem possible just to see if i can do it. so what is it about the challenge that leads me on? is it that sudden rush of joy when i realize i'm getting closer to my goal? or is it the pursuit of all that i've been focused on for the recent past? I've come to realize, that quickly i get bored. Having won the prize, the once phenomenal trophy collects dust in the cabinet. However, in the most recent past, the tables have turned. no matter what my intuition tells me, everyone i know has encouraged me to step back and let somebody else lead the dance for a change. My significance in this dance? still very high level. My influence on when the dance will start, and how long it will last? non existent. As much as i would love to "go on..." and "take it" i know it is not my place to do so. So i will wait, and know that God has the best timing, and that his ways are higher than mine, and his plan is greater than mine.